How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

A Lesson Learned while Competing in Pageants

(P.C. @ https://www.shutterbuglizzy.com)

Hello Explorers,

I have been there before... comparing myself to others. Feeling like your confidence is slipping away, and most of all, feeling the doubt seep in and grabbing ahold of your mind.

Starting off as a very “green” contestant, I did not have any expectations towards winning at all. However, I still had a glimpse of hope. I was somewhat confident in my speaking abilities, having good posture for walking down in heels (due to my dance background), and had enough charisma to smile at the crowds. What I didn’t expect was how prepared, practiced, and experienced everyone else was going to be.

The realization

Once in the room, I observed in awe of how talented and skilled all my fellow pageant contestants were. They were able to walk so gracefully, gliding across the floor. They were poised, elegant, and had every bit of confidence to win the big title. However, my weakness during the competition was and always has been...The swimsuit walk.

Whatever your opinion of the swimsuit portion of pageants maybe, I can honestly say that I was never too fond of it. It could be because I am a little old-fashioned, or I never had abs, (I so wish I did), to show off. As I observed rows of beautifully-toned bodies line up to strut down one by one, I became very observant to see what each woman would do to stand out from all the others. After all, we are all following the same pattern to walk down, we are all using a silk scarf to wave in the air, and we are all wearing similar bathing suits. How can anyone possibly stand out?

I thought to myself, the only way for me to stand out is to be flamboyant, overly-energetic, and remain interesting enough for my walk to be able to catch the judge’s eyes. So I strutted down in front of everyone at rehearsal, I moved and posed as much as I could to make myself stand out. I felt like I had succeeded, that is until my soon-to-be friend pulled me to the side and said “Diana, I will tell you this because I am honest, and I want you to do well...you look ridiculous… do not do what you just did”.

P.C. by David Yu

Self-acceptance

I was shocked. I thought I had done everything in my power to stand out from everyone who had been doing the same 8-figure patterned swimsuit walk. As it turns out, I stood out, just in a bad way. As I listened intently to the honesty behind her words, a quality that is greatly admired, I realized what she was saying.

“It doesn’t matter if everyone before you has done the same thing, it will be different when you do it, because… YOU are doing it”. Mostly everything we see or do nowadays has already been done. However, it is all about reinventing the wheel and being unique. Doing things differently. Basically, “same, but different”.

I let those words sink in… deeper and deeper into my mind. It is important to understand, and I mean truly understand the meaning of what it means to be unique, authentic, and genuine.

Finding your uniqueness

Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something that takes a lifetime of self-discovery. However, finding more about yourself can be done very early on. To discover more about how unique you are it is important to be open, vulnerable, and honest with yourself. I have made a list before about my strengths & weaknesses. Because we know that a question like, “tell me about one of your strengths, and one of your weaknesses”, can be brought up during the Q&A portion of the competition, we are trained to be able to answer anything & everything about ourselves. Which, when given a positive outlook on this, we are training ourselves to get to know ourselves. Looking back at it, it was during pageants that I was able to have my very first self-discovery. Because of all the different segments during the competition, the prize that you truly receive once it is over is the satisfaction of knowing that you came out of it a different person.

Pageants challenged me over and over beyond the limits of a competition between me and others. I often felt as if it were a seminar, workshop, Ted-talk, talent show, and job search all rolled into one. Through months of preparation, the information that you gather about yourself looks a little more like this:

• Community service

• Education

• Hobbies

• Qualifications

• Talents

• Work experience

• Views on politics

• Views on religion

• Economic matters

• Service in the military

• Why do you want to be Miss ------?

• What makes you a good leader and role model?

• What is your 10-year goal?

• Who do you look up to, and why?

There are a plethora of questions that could be brought up, and you have to be ready to answer. Every single one of these incredibly accomplished women had to know themselves this well to be successful in the competition. This was the way that I truly discovered who I am in many different scenarios. This is how I found how unique I am, how unique we all are, because nobody was the same, and we should never compare ourselves, (as people and as an individual), to anyone else.

Never looking back

I didn’t win my first pageant, but I placed as a finalist. I was incredibly proud of my hard work, but most of all, of my personal achievements in finding myself, being genuine, and putting a stop to my negative comparisons to others. I went on to compete in more pageants, won some titles, and ultimately discovered the woman I am today. “Same, but different” is a concept that I carry very close to my heart. I apply this to every part of my life that integrates something that has already been done before.

Comparison is always bound to happen, especially when it comes to our jobs, careers, relationships, financial status, and materialistic things that shouldn’t matter, but often do. Moreover, the most important lesson when it comes to comparing is to remember this:

“Comparison can be done in a healthy way, if it is positive, and it motivates you to do better as a person without bringing the other person down. However, we should never compare ourselves as individuals, because there is no one like us. You are special & unique. In times of doubt, just remember that although we can be the same, we can also be different.”

-Diana Noriega Weng

Goodbye, Explorers!  

-Dedicated to Amy & Hazel